So was I?
by dormammu
Summary: When Tony says those words of doom, Steve for some reason answers his sad-faced statement with a simple question. Three guesses what that question is. It all goes downhill from there. Or does it? (CA:CW trailer inspired)
"Sorry Tony. You know I wouldn't do this if I had any other choice. But he is my friend," says Steve.

Tony is thinking it in an instance: _So I'm not?_

"So was I" escapes his lips before he can even process the dull pain the implication behind Steve's words makes him feel.

And then it comes, like a bludgeon to the head:

"When?" Steve's calm voice is asking simply.

"Excuse me?" Tony says, disbelieving his own ears.

"When were we friends Tony?" Steve presses on.

Steve is really doing this?

"Are we really doing this Steve, now? Ok then. I have always considered you my friend. Sorry you don't feel the same. Does your new team know only pre-50s friendships count for their flawless leader? I wouldn't want the kids to hope for the impossible."

"This is not about them and you know it." Steve says, he sounds annoyed. "This is about you pretending that you even tried to be my friend. You have always disliked me Stark, your little melodrama show can't erase what has actually happened since the day we met."

"And what would that be if you'd care to enlighten me?" Tony tries to sound unmoved but in that moment he just wants to pick the right hallways, find that bastard finally and enlighten him, with a repulsor blast to his face.

"You disliked, no... hated me from the start. Don't try to deny it. We settled things after Loki, I said I was sorry, you said it's all forgotten but you and I both know you always thought I was useless, a relic easily replaced with one of your suits," comes the calm reply.

 _What the hell_ , thinks Tony. Where the hell did Steve get those ideas? Then he remembers, foggily, telling Steve he was a useless buttmonkey in a spangly dress, or something like that, when they first met. What he was actually thinking back then was: _Damn, da-mn! The way he fought Loki without even needing a suit. A couple of these could easily put me out of business._

"Now who's having a pity party? If I had thought you useless I'd never have followed your orders. Oh but I know what you think about that. It was just self-interested, selfish Tony Stark doing a self-interested thing? I'll have you know Captain, I don't need any of this! I really don't. But there we go, now I know why you've never considered me your friend, that implies thinking me capable of doing the right thing!"

"Alright Stark. If you considered me useful and your friend why didn't you call me that time your house in California was attacked? Why no word then, Tony? I remember watching it on the TV and thinking, be ready Steve, Stark is going to call on you any day now, SHIELD is not doing anything for some reason but he can't fight this Mandarin guy by himself. He knows he can call me, doesn't he? I told him when we were escorting Loki, I told him 'Anything you need Stark, call me and I'm there.' Nothing! Then one day, I'm having lunch with Bruce and he's telling me that it's all been dealt with and that he already talked to you, or listened to you explain everything that had happened. I really felt your friendship and trust then Tony. Felt it right here in my gut."

 _I stepped right into that one_ , Tony thinks. Then he remembers that Steve himself wasn't much of a sharer.

"Yeah? Well, you're the one to talk," he says, trying hard not to raise his voice. "Mr. Let's Not Tell Tony Hydra Is Using His Designs! Don't tell me, you lost the Starkphone I gave you, and your other Starkphone, and the Starkpad, and the emergency secret code I gave you, there was just no way to inform the guy you knew from the olden times two years ago, when you fought evil aliens together that he should maybe look into the way SHIELD has been using the work of his hands and brain, and all sorts of other sketchy stuff around it?"

"I told you right after that, there was no time to call you, or use the alert code you gave me, we had to move quickly."

Steve had told him that, and it still sounds like a bunch of hooey.

"We, oh that's right, Natasha got your call, and the little Falcon dude, whom of curse you had the time to befriend while, don't tell me, uselessly trying to contact me to have a lunch together? Or mysteriously not getting any of my calls whenever I found myself in Washington and in a mood for something old and blue. And you have the nerve to say I always hated you? But that figures, how could precious perfect Captain ever hate anyone? Impossible! And by the way, ignoring me while gathering your little squad of millennial babes for photo ops that would make Tay-Tay herself blush, didn't hurt at all. Not one bit. I haven't invited you into my squad of sexy over 35 either, so we're good."

"Please Stark, the one time you did call me was from an unknown number, 11 in the morning, the reception was awful, you invited me to come have some fun with your friend Who, without even leaving the address. If I remember correctly it turned out you had a wild party on the roof of some tower in Beijing. I read about it in the newsp... online. I believe you were trying to do what is called 'humble-bragging'? Which was probably another one of your jokes: Stark and humble in the same sentence. As for your other supposed calls, I can only hope you're inventing those."

"I'm not," Tony says seriously, realizing his calls were probably screened. The question is was it done by Hydra or by SHIELD? Probably both. Not that it matters now.

"And as for implying that I'm only befriending young and good-looking people, pshaw!"

"Pshaw?" Tony repeats, amused.

"Yeah, pshaw! I have friends in their 90s and if I thought their bones could take it, I'd bring them to fights and take pictures! Why are you so bent on making me look like a bad guy here? You never wanted to be my friend. Just admit it, we'll find each other in this maze, I'll let you throw the first punch before I wipe the floor with that tin can of yours. We'll call it a day, I may even send you some get well flowers when you're in hospital."

"Listen to me well Rogers, because I won't repeat this again," Tony says, just this side of angry. "I have always considered you my friend. Yeah, we didn't hit it off at first, but even then, your defiant act only made me want to be buddies more. Then we fought together, and that was it! When we fought the Chitauri, you aiming my laser beam with your shield, it sent chills down my spine! I felt like more than just a guy in a tin can as you call it. Then we won, and even though I was the one who carried the bomb through the portal, and others had hit far more Chitauri, I knew that you and your leadership were the things that made all of us more than just a bunch of colorful freaks who can punch an alien and live to talk about it afterwards. You made us all feel like a part of something great. Maybe I should've told you that before, maybe i thought you knew. Like a friend would."

"I am just a man," Steve sounds exasperated. "I may wear a superhero uniform but inside of it is just an average man who can't read minds. That's the issue here, isn't it? Or one of the issues. You never really wanted to be my friend, you wanted to be Captain America's friend, you wanted to be on his good side more likely. You can try to deny it, but your actions speak louder than words," Steve sighs at that. "Because even when we were working together on getting the Scepter back, seeing each other daily, you never took time to talk to me one on one. Just me, no suit, no shield. It was almost like I repulsed you, or, and that's my theory: I'm just not smart enough for the genius Tony Stark to waste his precious time on me. I dare you to deny this Tony! Say that you didn't always see me as someone beneath you intellectually, which is the only thing that matters in Tony Stark world! Even better, tell me that wasn't the reason you never even tried to discuss your Ultron specs with me, your supposed leader?"

Tony definitely feels like he's missing something because up until now he thought most of the things Steve is talking about were water under the bridge.

"First, I see everyone beneath me intellectually. Even Bruce. Second, what do you mean you repulsed me? I was always trying to start a conversation with you, it was you who just had to take an important call from Wilson whenever I wanted to shoot the breeze. Or you just had to disappear for a day or two without saying anything, to me at least, everyone else seemed plenty clued in. When Pepper and I broke up, even Fury had a chat with me, while you were on one of your solo trips, not returning calls. I wanted to talk to you then, because I knew how you felt about aunt Peggy, losing her to time and illness. I wanted to... You know, you talk a lot of talk about wanting me to see you as a person under the uniform, when did you ever see me as one?"

Just as he says that he hears a bang somewhere far on his right, as well as on his comm. "Breaking the place are we?" he mutters, to himself more than to his comm. And then he fires at one of the load-carrying walls. Come and get it he thinks, moving in the direction of the bang.

"There's no use delaying it, you are going to get the trashing of your life." Steve says, a barely subdued fury behind every word.

"Touched a nerve, did I? So you don't like being confronted with your own hypocrisy, that's nice to know. See Steve? We are working on our non-friendship already," Tony says, grinning manically, not knowing why. All he knows is: he's going to find that friendship-denying grandmother-lover and burst all of his bubbles!

He enters a new corridor and hears another loud bang, this time on his left. Don't mind if I do, he thinks and blasts another wall behind him, ready to bring the entire place down before he finds and annihilates that two-faced, sanctimonious little prick.

"Seems to me you have a problem with remembering things correctly, I guess that's another thing you bond over with your over-55-still-possess-most-of-our-teeth squad? Because otherwise you'd remember locking yourself in your basement for a week after your break-up, not wanting to talk to anyone. You looked like crap after that so of course Bruce had the first turn talking to you. Then Rhodey came and you two did your thing, then everyone else, even Fury got a chance to make Tony Stark feel better. I was never needed, so when I got a call to raid a leftover Hydra base, I took it. By the time Sam and I were back, you were pretty much back to your old self."

Another loud bang. Somewhere in front of Tony.

"Yeah well, all the people who actually want to get to know me learn quickly that I have a different sense of time. I thought our little stint at Barton's farm taught you that, roomie," and he tries to inject as much acid as possible into that last word.

They never talked about that week afterwards, but as far as the living arrangements go, Tony considers it one of the weirdest in his life, and he can talk weird, he's seen it all. The time he spent sharing a room with Captain America was full of moments in which he'd feel like he was missing something crucial. One moment they'd work together like a clockwork and it'd be almost pleasant, and then suddenly something would shift, and Tony had to walk on eggs for no apparent reason.

"Oh I know plenty Tony," Steve says, no, he spits it out, and Tony can hear another bang, louder than ever. Getting warmer.

"For example, I know how your face looks when you feel completely alone in the world. And I know what it feels like to be the one to take that look off your face." he stops, Tony can hear him taking a deep breath, somewhere deep in his brain all kinds of alarms are going off. Steve continues: "I also know what it feels like to try and fail to do it. So don't tell me I never wanted to be your friend Tony! I always tried, and I always failed. Until it got me where I am now!"

Tony dares to hope he's hearing this right. Of course he's had suspicions, fleeting "disturbances in the force" but it was too crazy to consider, it still is too crazy to consider. He fires another blast instead. The answering bang is pretty close.

"Where did it get you, Steve?" He asks cautiously.

"You don't deserve to know Tony." another bang. It has to be 2 rooms ahead, just down the two steps..

"A last request from your best enemy?" Tony says hopefully. He needs to know, if it's the last thing he learns in this world.

"Fine Tony," Steve says, and Tony can detect a what-the-hell attitude in his tone similar to his own. "It got me in a war with a guy I deeply admire. A guy I liked and wanted to befriend in spite of myself from the moment he first made fun of me. A guy who holds an entire universe in that dark head of his and can still look at you and make you feel like you're the only thing on his mind." Another loud bang and then nothing is coming through the comm for a minute or two.

"Steve?" Tony says, at the same time he realizes he's shaking a little. Why is he telling him these things now? Is this a trap?

Steve continues. "A guy you don't even realize you're falling for before it's too damn late, and he doesn't even notice that you exist. So you say 'That's ok, there are other people, people who like me as a person, as a friend, maybe someone will like me as a man too, and I'll like them back.' Only every time I try to move on, there's Tony, being brilliant like only Tony can be. Looking at me like maybe I matter to him for a split second. And that's that, so much for moving on. Unless it's moving on with the pathetic hope." The wall in front of Tony crashes down and there he is, Steve Rogers, just fresh out of telling Tony he's in love with him like it's the most normal, most expected thing in the world. He looks mighty pissed. Behind his mask, his blue eyes have that stormy look to them, Tony always loved that look.

"And then," Steve continues, facing him, "That same guy tells me he was my friend!" Steve is looking straight into his eye slits now, like he's daring him to take off his helmet, his mask. But just at this moment, Tony can't move, his brain is overworking itself, re-evaluating years of knowledge, tearing itself apart.

Luckily Steve is not done yet.

"Only I know that can't be true. You know why Tony? Because I wanted us to be friends for such a long time. Anything! I would've taken it! I sure as hell would've remembered it! But you never gave me the time of day, did you? And then you come here, throw this imaginary friendship in my face, to make me feel bad because I care for my actual, years long friendship with Bucky, my brother!" Steve deflates, shakes his head. "I don't know why I even..." There's no fire in those eyes anymore, they look dead.

Tony's heart hurts, he feels like the king of assholes. No, the emperor of Asshole Planet! He opens his faceplate and looks back at Steve.

"Steve," he says calmly after a moment. "Ok."

Steve is still looking at him with that dead-eyed stare.

"You're right, we are not friends. We were never friends. It was a dick move on my part. To claim that we were. It was a cheap guilt trip, I am sorry." Then, before he can think about what he's doing he is taking of his gauntlets and taking Steve's mask off, he wants to kiss him so bad, to find out if all those things he denied and tried to bury for so long are still there.

But Steve stops him by grabbing his hands.

"What are you doing?" Steve asks him in a tight voice. And Tony thinks that's good, far better than that dead stare from moments ago.

"What do you think Steve? I want to kiss my acquaintance." And he gives him the cockiest smile he can muster in that trying moment, knowing that it's all-in time and that there's a big chance he'll get punched in his faceplate-less face. Just as well, he knows it'd be worth it.

Steve lets go of his hands, looks at him - and really, he can talk whatever he wants about Tony's looks, his are lethal - in that "I wanna hold your hand" way of his that would make a nun give it up, and slowly their lips find one another. Tony is ok with slow, just tracing Steve's lips lightly with his own, but then Steve really gets into it, and Tony believes him completely now, that he wanted this, that he wanted him for a long time. So he endeavors to convince him that the feeling is mutual, giving back as good as he gets, until they're panting, kissed-out and breathless in each other's arms.

They move away from the rubble then, and together- neither wanting to let go - slide down one of the walls that are still left standing.

They need to talk, decide on how best to end this whole superhero war thing and how to defeat this new villain that has been making news recently, Zebro or whatever. Just now Tony is content to sit like this, his head on Steve's shoulder, Steve's nose and fingers in his hair.

"Definitely not friends," Tony says softly, smiling.

"Nope," Steve says into his hair and as if to emphasize it, kisses the top of Tony's head one more time.


End file.
